Pumpkin Service Announcement: In effect through the end of Winter

Smelling slightly putrid yet fresh and grass-like at the same time. Leaving stringy bits, impervious to soaps, oils or lotions, and staining the hands a happy shade of orange. At this point, ethics begin to meddle with holiday festivities. It boils down to one question: Do you relish being squash-stained up to your elbows or do you carve-and-run?


I speak of innards-abuse. A terrifying annual occurrence that rips families apart, literally reeks havoc on your garbage bin, litters your lawn and frightens pumpkin purists like myself. If you find yourself in the carve-and-run category you cannot claim environmental management; there is no catch-and-release in the pumpkin world. Do not fall for the common misconceptions of gourd rights or pumpkin mistreatment. Take a cue from our hunting forefathers: if you kill it, use all of it. The common pumpkin can be rendered down into pounds of fresh meat, pulp and seeds. The outer shell makes an acceptable jack-o-lantern, soup receptacle or cat house. The stem of course can be whittled down to toothpicks, carried around as a lightweight weapon, or glued to other non-natural products to make it appear as if you grew it (i.e. TV, fake pumpkin bought lacking stem, vehicles, small or large cats).


You ask then, "what am I supposed to do with all those pumpkin guts?!" Scoop them, Cook them and Save them. Then you can go back and do any number of these fun things:

1. Bake the pumpkin seeds like so, so (salty)or so (sweet).
2. The traditional pumpkin pie from Martha Stewart, she's a fellow pumpkin purist and encourages you to use a real sugar pumpkin.
3. pepita (pumpkin seeds) brittle
4. Salted Pumpkin Caramels from food52.com
5. pumpkin soup from The Merry Gourmet
6. pumpkin mac n' cheese from (never home) maker
7. pumpkin souffle from everyfoodfits
8. pumpkin face cream